Tatura Hot Bread, Tatura

An audible gasp, a look of disbelief….applause….what a delivery! After dismissing a couple of vanilla slices in the wake of the Beechworth Beauty, we were desperate for something special. A month had passed but there had been no runs scored in our test. Then instead of another duck came this - the back to back, Grand Champion of The 2006 & 2007 Great Australian Vanilla Slice Triumph, professional section. Currently rated Australia’s Slice of Perfection, and rightly so. The custard and pastry were perfect; a sweet, soft, eggy vanilla cream sandwiched between wood fired crisp, unsweetened buttery pastry and topped off with a meltingly soft, sticky icing. The runs were back on the board and we instead, had been bowled clean over. Sensational!

¦ Icing ♥♥♥♥½ ¦ Pastry ♥♥♥♥♥ ¦ Custard ♥♥♥♥♥ ¦ Degree of difficulty ♥♥♥♥ ¦ 18.5/20

Tatura Hot Bread 130 Hogan Street, Tatura, Victoria. Australia.

 

Beechworth Bakery, Beechworth

The Beechworth Bakery Vanilla Slice is lusciously shabby. It was a hot sticky day when we met and the vanilla icing oozed like a nightclub romeo, but it was sweet and soft and clung tenderly to the pastry like a love-sick puppy. The flaky, perfectly cooked pastry was just the right thickness to support the creamy custard and the two hit the tongue like a smooth love song - deep, rich and tasty. A breeze to eat with the hands, it left us licking our fingers seductively. Like a stolen moment of passion we began planning the next rendezvous like an illicit secret.

¦ Icing ♥♥♥♥¦ Pastry ♥♥♥♥ ¦ Custard ♥♥♥♥½¦ Degree of difficulty ♥♥♥♥¦ 16.5/20

Beechworth Bakery 27 Camp Street, Beechworth, Victoria. Australia.
Also in Albury, Ballarat, Bendigo, Echuca and Healesville

 

Delbake, Bentleigh

“Our family hasn’t stopped baking since 1852″ read the sticker on the pack…and boy must they be tired! Their slices definitely were. This Victorian era pastry arrived with a wet top of melted icing sugar crowning it like the cap of a sweaty old cook, while a layer of damp pastry strayed from under the crown like a mad woman’s blouse. The custard had a pleasant eggy flavour highlighted by vanilla essence, but the copious amount of cornflour used made it firm to the point that it became a menacingly bulging muffin top when the fork hit the impenetrable pastry. It then bounced back into shape. This Vanilla Slice posed a conundrum: the fatty tasting pastry could not be eaten with a fork and the custard could not be eaten without one. Had this graced the parlour at tea time, Her Majesty would not have been amused.

¦ Icing ♥♥½¦ Pastry ♥♥ ¦ Custard ♥♥♥½¦ Degree of difficulty ♥♥¦ 10/20

 Delbake  478 Centre Road, Bentleigh, Victoria. Australia.

Jean-Pierre Gateau, Mentone

Tall and handsome, this Casanova seduced with its fine looks. Capped with a marbled icing it reeked of class and whispered invitingly, “I’m the one you’ve been dreaming of. Just lick me”. But like a Don Juan, after the seduction it was callow and disappointing. The icing hit the tastebuds like a sycophantically sweet cajoling. The pastry tasted good but was soft and sloppy like a teenager’s first kiss. As the tongue darted in for the custard it recoiled from a pale, sticky goo with a very pronounced flavour that was just not quite right. Was there uncooked corn starch in the mix? The fork could not pierce the icing and impossible to eat with the fingers, it left in its wake the bitterness of feeling deceived and violated by a sleazy charlatan.

¦ Icing ♥♥♥¦ Pastry ♥♥½ ¦ Custard ♥♥½ ¦ Degree of difficulty ♥♥¦ 10/20

Jean-Pierre Gateau 1/44 Como Parade, Mentone, Vic. Australia.

Portofino Pasticceria e Caffé, Port Melbourne

 

It towers - like the apartment block above the shop - and is intimidating to look at, but the striped Vanilla Slice from Portofino has all the right elements. This is a substantial concoction to appease the ravenous sweet tooth. Individually, the three layers are potently rich, but eaten as one mouthful the combination strikes the right balance. The pastry, a thin delicately layered Puff, is a suitably architectural frame for the custard. Pale, rich and smooth, it has a melt in the mouth urbanity. The icing is thick but soft enough to cut through cleanly with a fork. Too tall to eat with the hands, the necessary cake fork came through cleanly, without bringing down the house like a ton of bricks. Eat a bit and run around the block. Repeat until finished.

¦ Icing ♥♥♥½¦ Pastry ♥♥♥½ ¦ Custard ♥♥♥½ ¦ Degree of difficulty ♥♥♥♥¦ 14.5/20

Portofino Pasticceria  63 Bay Street, Port Melbourne, Vic. Australia. Ph +613 9681 8699

Old Western Hot Bread Shop, Mordialloc

There was a standoff at The Old Western Hot Bread Shop. POW! Stickyfingers, facing four other Custard Crusaders - cake fork held loosely at the hip - was shot down, but took the scores with her as she fell. This old style vanilla slice is one which rekindles memories of Australian childhood treats. For Stickyfingers, the Patissier pedant, the pastry was tough and raw on one side, not flaky. When the top came off in one piece on contact with a fork, showering the plate with sugar and completely dismembering the unit, the band stopped playing. The custard with a gelatinous and gluey mouth-feel, seemed as awkward as an entrance by Calamity Jane. But for the others this was a perfectly acceptable example of a vanilla slice - like a rosy trip down memory lane, to a place where tumbleweeds now roll across the horizon, it was a hands down winner.

¦ Icing ♥♥♥½¦ Pastry ♥♥½ ¦ Custard ♥♥♥½ ¦ Degree of difficulty ♥♥♥½¦ 13/20

Old Western Hot Bread Shop 75 Warren Rd, Mordiallic, Vic. Australia. Ph +613 9587 1952